Wow where do I begin with my emotions? Am I really already 36 weeks pregnant? I am not sure when time started going so fast! I am still at that place where part of my wants the next 4 weeks to fly by… and the other part wants to hit pause for a few more yrs hahaha…. I Just have NO idea what to expect out of having a child- fear of the unknown is making me a nervous wreck. I have NO experience with kids at all- when I hold babies I freeze up and freak out in fear of hurting them- it just doesn’t feel natural to me…. I’ve never changed a diaper either lol. I am going into this whole experience blind- thank God I have my hubby who has TONS of experience with little ones…. and I’ve also got the help of my parents, his parents, my sis in laws, etc. Also many friends who have and will continue to provide guidance- not sure what I’d do without everybody.
I’m also starting to freak out about labor- the moments leading up to it as well. Like- what if I am at work, or on the bus when it starts? I have no idea what a contraction feels like either! Thank goodness my weekly appointments start Friday, because at least then they can give us some kind of idea on if I will be going early or late…. if I’m dialated at all, etc. I also didn’t take a child birth class- partly because there were two other classes I wanted to sign up for more (breastfeeding and safety class)- all of which cost… and partly because I know everyone’s experience is so different, and also I will have Danny, and my mom and his mom there to get me through it…. so I plan on winging it- which freaks me out since I am such a planner. I have read my “What to Expect when Expecting” book- but there is soooooo much info I can’t remember it all!
AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I can’t wait for a few months from now when she is a few months old, I have a schedule again, and things feel more normal.